Language
Spoken for Winning!
By
Lena Sanchez
Do you argue with
yourself when you are talking to yourself? Yes
talking to yourself, everyone does it! The trick in
business as well as personal social situations is
learning to talk to others and get them to truly
listen. If you aren’t hearing them even though you
are listening there will be no real communication.
When you talk to someone and need
his or her undivided attention you will need to
speak the same language. In order to have them be
more receptive to you and you need the ability to
reach their subconscious level. Mirroring is a form
used by those who are very successful at sales,
marketing or negotiating.
Human creatures communicate on a
subconscious level without even realizing it. The
art of mirroring is a language when used effectively
can gain you a lot of allies.
The technique of speaking to
people in their own language is explained through
the technology of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)
or mirroring. It helps to quickly and effectively
develop rapport with another person. It has positive
benefits in the area of self-improvement as well,
but today I am going to focus on rapport building to
successful marketing or just plain language skills
to successful business and personal relationships.
The language of mirroring or Neuro Linguistic
Programming as it was named in the ‘70’s is the
ideal way of getting into the same language pattern
in order to know you are on the same wave length.
Matching words, expressions, voice tone, even
volume, in order to speak in the other person’s
language. This not only proves you’ve been
listening, but also the best way to introduce your
own ideas without opposition or disagreement.
In mirroring or NLP we learn that
we process information in three distinct ways;
primary being
Auditory, the art of hearing
or sound.
Visual, sight or seeing, and
(3) Kinesthetic, touch or
feeling. Often, the words we use show our primary
method of processing information.
For instance, when a person uses
the expression “I see” that tells you this is a
visual person. Responding to that person you would
need to answer on a feeling level, such as, “it
looks good to me also.” If someone says, “sounds
good to me or I hear you,” indicates an auditory
person lives in that body. One that comes in with
“Feels okay to me or I felt that,” indicates a
kinesthetic person, one who feels things.
I must say here, that these
responses might possible only indicate that moment
of being or actual be that type of person or the
permanent type of personality. Most of us tend to be
a “moment to moment person” but the majority of
the time we will appear to be in the same level as
we actually are and reflect who we are to the person
we are speaking with on one of those three levels.
Auditory, visual or Kinesthetic (feelings).
Mirroring or NLP, involves
duplicating a persons body movements, visual or
auditory speech as often as possible, realistically,
and without being too obvious or fake about it. If
the person is conscious of your mirroring the whole
purpose will be defeated. This is not a game but
proven to actually work to understanding what is
actually being said to you.
For instance, as the person
you’re with begins to rest his or her hand on his
or her chin-or cross his or her legs, or fold his or
her arms-wait for a moment, and then slowly do the
same. It takes practice to notice and mirror others
effectively. Find an associate and practice,
practice until this becomes a natural habit. If this
cannot subtly be done the rapport will be lost as
well as your credibility!
Matching and mirroring are
totally natural processes when two people already
have good rapport (watch friends, or happy couples
in conversation. Physically, they will often be
almost totally in sync). You’re simply speeding up
the time it usually takes to make a person feel
comfortable. Rapport can be created both on the
conscious open level - finding similarities such as
same birthplace, interests, etc. - and then below
the conscious level by way of matching and mirroring
the body movements of said person.
Reasons mirroring works so well
is;
A) Transforms weakness into
power: Don’t fight for honor’s sake, it will
cause you to lose in the end. Mirroring serves to
deprive your foe of the satisfaction of defeating
you without them knowing it happened.
B) Giving in conceals power. It
makes your foe complacent and gives you time to
recoup and work on ways to undermine or rearrange
his/her thinking. Not in a bad way but a positive
effect for both parties!
People who are so into showing their power and care
about showing authority are easily undermined and
defeated by the giving-in tactic. Outward submission
makes them feel important, making them easier
targets later for counterattack. Again this is not a
bad thing but makes bargaining or selling a
positive.
Don’t sacrifice long-term
maneuverability for short-lived martyrdom. If you
stay firm inside but end up on the outside, you will
confuse your adversary.
Example: In ancient China, King
Gou Jian lost a major battle to the ruler of Wu.
Instead of fleeing, he surrendered, gave his
conqueror his riches and went to work for him as a
stable hand for three years. Finally, Gou Jian was
freed. He raised an army and, using the knowledge he
had gained about his opponent, attacked and defeated
him. Story borrowed from an article at http://www.BottomLinePersonal.com
Serves to both
disarm and infuriate when using the mirroring
effect. Acting like someone else-whether it is a
boss, peer or opponent-is what I call the mirroring
effect. Works like a desert chameleon, which assume
the colors of its environment so no one can touch
it.
MIRRORING OTHERS will give them
the feeling that you share their thoughts and goals.
Everyone is consumed by his own ego. Try to impose
your own ego and you meet resistance. But holding up
a mirror make others see what they want to see.
Therefore feed the fantasies of others by finding
out what they like and making those tastes your own.
Put books by some of your boss’s favorite writers
on your bookshelf. Don’t lecture people about
their failings or products-they won’t listen. If
you mirror their behavior, they will either ignore
you or think about their own actions either way you
know where you stand.
NEVER APPEAR PERFECT! Looking
better than others is dangerous. People will become
envious and look for ways to trip you up. When
others envy you they will work against you. If your
attitude is I am always right you will lose in the
end!
WEED OUT envy before it takes
root. Appear unambitious to your colleagues. Make
power seem like at least something of a burden and
sacrifice-something imposed upon you. The appearance
of self-sacrifice turns envy to pity. People will
feel bad for imposing on you instead of resenting
you for what you have.
This should not be used in a
manner that others view you as a fake but as
genuinely interested in them and will work with both
sexes. The secret to making friends and associates
will center in mirroring.
Just remember this one thing -
fake will only lose the advantage for you and
possibly make it impossible to repair the damage. So
practice until it is a natural part of your
listening skills. Just remember that practice makes
perfect!
THE FORTH DIMENSION OF MIRRORING:
I have chosen to add one more dimension to
Mirroring, my own practice of mirroring… That is
to put my personality into my website and help you
to have a better life by gaining your freedom and
owning your very own business…
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lena Sanchez a retired Medical office
nurse/administrator/consultant Short bio at http://www.envirodocs.com/lenas_bio.htm
Lena also does consulting in online business and alternative health
matters helping to build success in business, healthy minds and bodies http://www.envirodocs.com
Editor of “Natural Environmental Health & Business Facts,”
newsletter subscribe at http://www.envirodocs.com/newsletter.htm
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